Stop Telling Me About Your “Black Friends”
Hey Love,
Let’s have some real talk today.
Have you ever been in a conversation where someone tried to prove they “get it” by mentioning their one Black friend? Maybe it was at work, or a party, or even a family gathering. You’re sitting there, heart sinking, as they earnestly say, “Oh, I totally understand! My Black friend feels the same way.”
Sigh.
It’s exhausting, isn’t it? Because here’s the truth: Black people are not a monolith. Our experiences, opinions, and perspectives are as rich and diverse as the colors in the sky during sunset. And yet, this "I have a Black friend" logic keeps popping up like an unwelcome guest.
Even more, these “friendships” sometimes come loaded with microaggressions—statements meant as compliments but packed with stereotypes:
“They’re so nice, clean, and Christian!”
“They’re different—so talented and hardworking!”
“They’re so articulate, beautiful, and talented!”
Sound familiar? These aren’t compliments—they’re coded messages. They reveal assumptions about Blackness that are deeply harmful, even when said with a smile.
Let’s talk about why this hurts:
Why It’s Harmful to Say These Things
It erases individuality. Each of us has our own story, shaped by our unique intersections of identity, culture, and experience. Reducing us to a single narrative ignores that.
It exoticizes Black people. Praising traits like “beautiful” or “talented” can carry an undertone of surprise—as if being Black and possessing those qualities is an exception.
It reinforces stereotypes. Associating intellect, beauty, or talent with being “different” perpetuates the idea that these traits aren’t inherently part of Blackness.
It centers proximity, not understanding. Knowing someone isn’t the same as truly understanding their struggles, joys, or humanity.
What Can You Do Instead?
Listen with humility. Understand that one person’s experience isn’t a stand-in for the entire Black community.
Examine your biases. Ask yourself: Are you holding onto ideas about what makes a Black person “good” or “acceptable”? Start unpacking those thoughts.
Do the work. Educate yourself about systemic racism and cultural history without expecting your “Black friend” to teach you. There are countless books, podcasts, and resources out there.
Build meaningful connections. Relationships rooted in genuine care and mutual respect will always go further than performative mentions.
For my Black readers:
I see you. I feel you. And I know how exhausting it is to navigate these moments, balancing the desire to educate with the need to protect your energy. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, and it’s okay to set boundaries. Protect your peace first.
Affirmation for Today:
I am not a representative; I am a universe. My story is unique, my voice is powerful, and I honor all parts of me.
Before You Go:
What’s one way we can lovingly challenge the “Black monolith” myth when it shows up? Hit reply and share your thoughts—I’d love to hear from you.
Sending you love, light, and unapologetic truth,
Dr. Brooklyn Chick
P.S. For more conversations like this, check out my latest podcast episode: “The Weight of Representation: Why We’re Tired of Proving We’re Human.” You can listen here. Let’s keep growing together. ❤️
